New Diet

Stay out of the choc’late.

Stay out of the nuts.

Stay out of the kitchen.

Don’t eat the cold cuts.

Avoid all the pastas,

linguini, and such.

Nibble on plain food,

but don’t eat too much.

Abandon indulgence.

Abandon the wine.

Throw out the salt shaker.

Some spices are fine.

Don’t buy guacamole.

Don’t buy salty chips.

Don’t let creamy ice cream

get past your closed lips.

Give up all the pleasure

of food that tastes good,

and substitute meals

more like cardboard and wood.

On this brand new diet

you’re sure to lose weight.

It’s built all around

all those foods that you hate.